Kindergarten Vocabulary

The Kindergarten teacher put on music for the children to listen to while doing their work. It was Kenny G. Here is the conversation that followed:

Kindergartener says, "Is this Lebanese music?"

Teacher says, "No, this is Kenny G. He's a saxophone player. See, the cd cover has his picture on it."

Kindergartener says, "Oh. He's sexy!"


This kid is five years old and his vocabulary includes the word sexy. I don't use that word. Was he even using it properly? You be the judge...


And while we're at it, I think there is another Kenny who we should consider...


Yes, folks, that is the one and only country music sensation Kenny Hess.


(Side note: I appologize if someone who is reading this receives mail in the near future that contains this story. I also appologize if you now think you are getting mail from me and you don't.)

Need Help Moving?

I want to tell you a little bit about my moving experience.

I just moved about 15 blocks away from my old apartment. I do not have a car. Nor do I have a bike. But my roommate has a bike. About a week and a half ago, I decided that, with the help of my roommate and the little rack on her bike, it would be a good idea to just carry my stuff to the new place. It was a good idea for about 3 trips, When we were still carrying things like backpacks full of books and fluffy winter clothes. We thought we were funny and that it would make a good story. Then we got to things like fragile pots and dressers. Those were not fun. Because you can only hold so many fragile pots at one time and you can only put so many dresser drawers on a small bike rack. I more or less gave up and found someone with an SUV.

Sorry I could not offer you a story with a more exciting ending.

Oldsack

Your Birthdate: September 21

You're a restless rebel with an unpredictable nature. Bright but unbridled, you tend to seek out wild experiences over new ideas. People are frustrated by your great potential, but you love your unconventional life. You're a heartbreaker. People get attached to you, and then you're gone. Your strength: Your thirst for adventure Your weakness: Not taking time for slow pleasures Your power color: Hot pink Your power symbol: Figure eight Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Well kids, there it is. A full synopsis of my character based on the day I was born. The remarkable thing is that somebody wrote these for all the birthdays. Well then. Happy Birthday to me.

You're it.

Piñata Tag! It's a fun new game!

Supplies:
stick
colorfully decorated paper bag

Instructions:
One kid puts the paper bag over his head. He is the Piñata. He is also 'it'. Another kid holds the stick. He uses it to pound on piñata boy, giving him hints as to where stick boy is standing. If piñata boy can tag stick boy, they switch.


**This game was made up by one of my after school kids. The funnier part is that he found somebody who would play the game with him and also that I let them play.

No surprises here...

...well, except for the weird personality analysis at the end. That was unexpected. Seeing as it was a quiz about coffee.

You Are a Soy Latte

Yeah, you've got a bit of that healthy hippie thing going on But you're more Kate Hudson urban bohemian than Phish groupie You're worldly and well traveled.. and you know where to get the best coffee in town. All your experience makes you a compassionate person - and a caring girlfriend.

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Sick, Man

I am sort of hungry. But due to my own poor cooking skills, I am on a hunger strike... against myself. This is what happened. I don't have a whole lot of food right now and Friday is not a good day at the bread dumpster. I do have potatoes, though. So, tonight I made the nastiest french fries I have ever tasted.

I don't know what I did, but this is how I explain the taste of the fries I made:

Imagine a normal potato wedge soaked for three weeks in olive oil. Actually, let's make that motor oil. Imagine the oiled potato wedge quickly fried so that it is slightly crisped on the outside and incredibly soggy on the inside. Drop the wedge in a puddle of acid rain and then then someone who has been rubbing his feet across cabin six's carpet for six straight weeks will clean his toes with the fry. Also, a baby opossum has gnawed on the fry and every resident of the state of Arkansas has sneezed on it.

That is more or less what they tasted like. I am now staring at a large plate of them. They are shiny and scary.

Oh, Crap.

My reward for leaving Camp Luther 2006 (also known as the summer of poop) is doing my homework, which includes problem solving of Body Fluids Scenario #1:

"Eliza, age six, wasn't feeling well. Before she could get to the bathroom, she had a diarrhea attack and didn't make it in time."

How can I do my homework if I can't stop laughing?

Recess

Pending references, I have a job as a recess lady. I am very excited about this because I remember all of the interesting things that I used to do at recess time. I shall now tell you about one such experience. Please do not think less of me for it.


In 4th grade, I was the Co-President of the Crane Fly Mating Club. Every day before recess, our Vice President would empty his pencil box. When the bell rang for recess, we met in the large field, which is also home to hundreds of crane flies. The purpose of the club was to catch crane flies that were either in the middle of mating or female crane flies that were pregnant. It was rather educational. Female crane flies, for example, have pointy butts, whereas the males have rounded butts. If we caught mating or pregnant crane flies, we would put them in the pencil box for further examination. When the bell rang, we would bring the catch of the day into the classroom. The crane flies typically died in the pencil box 5-10 minutes after recess ended.

I hope the kids at this school are as cool as I was.