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Goodbye Suckerfish?!

I've been more or less snowed in for a few days now. Lots of time to sit and think and write. (And drink hot chocolate and egg nog, but that is beside the point.)

I am going to phase out of this blog. I am going to start up a new blog for myself where I can write about things with more... substance. I like to write. I think it is good for me. I think I am the most like myself when I am writing.

Yup, that is what I am going to do.

My Glass of Eggnog is Half Full.

Brrr - cold tears.
This morning involved a car too cold to start and a subsequent emotional breakdown. I had my car plugged in overnight because it wouldn't start yesterday. It still wouldn't start this morning, so I had Sam try and jump-start me. No workey. And it's not even that cold yet.

So, as I often do nowadays, I started crying. Right there in my cold cold car. (I don't recommend crying outside when it is -15ºC.) It was all frustration. I worked hard at my crappy old job this summer to save up for a car that doesn't work in the cold. Living in Calgary, where it is cold for much of the year, this is frustrating. I can't get to school. Assignments are looming and I need to spend time in the library to complete them. Doesn't look like that's going to happen this week.

In my upset state this morning, I frowned at God and said, "What the heck?"


Accounting.
Job was facing trouble far worse than my own when he said,
     "If only I knew where to find him;
          if only I could go to his dwelling!
     I would state my case before him
          and fill my mouth with arguments.
     I would find out what he would answer me,
          and consider what he would say." (Job 23:3-5)

I often go to God feeling like I have a pretty good case for myself. It's easy to make myself out to be a hero. I worked hard to buy a car, so it should work. I put a lot of energy into school, so I should be able to succeed. If I could only find God's front door, I would knock on it and let Him know all of these things. Surely he would take my arguments into account and have something to say for Himself.

Right?

Well, no. It's not right. The reality is that God is not accountable to me. The all-knowing, all-powerful creator of the universe and author of my life does not owe me an explanation for anything. Who am I to discredit His justice? To condemn Him to justify myself (Job 40:8)? Am I adorned in glory and splendor, clothed in honor and majesty (40:10)? Heck no - I'm a filthy mess of a person.


Who I am not.
All around me are reminders that He is God and I am not. The mounting piles of snow outside my door, the big Rockies on the horizon, the holy book that currently sits on the counter. I do not understand all of the things of God; they are too wonderful for me (42:3). But I know that the simple truth of His goodness is worth putting my hope in.

When things come up and I find myself thinking, "What the heck?," I need to remember that He is God and I am not. He is perfectly good and I often just don't get it. It's OK, I don't have to get it. God gets it and He's working for my good. That is a good enough answer for me.

Today, something frustrated me and I reacted wrongly. I know that things can be much worse than having a stubborn vehicle in the morning, and I know that my reactions in worse situations tend to be proportionately bad. But, if I can learn to react to the little things in a way that rightly shows who God is, then maybe I will be able to react to the big things in similar fashion.

In sum, God is good.

My Relationship With Meat

My relationship with meat is nothing like my relationship with coffee. Coffee is a lover with whom I rendezvous frequently, whereas meat is an ex-boyfriend who I never really liked in the first place. I was ready to end the relationship for a long time, I was just waiting for the right time.

Translation: I've been a vegetarian at heart for a very long time and only recently felt compelled to officially declare myself as such. (I think I'm actually a vegan at heart, but I'm still working on that one. Perhaps one day I'll tell you about my relationship with cheese.)

Not only is meat gross, it is less sustainable, environmentally evil, and not particularly healthy. Hooray for veggies!

Stargazing...

One of the hobbies I picked up this summer is stargazing. (I'm really into hobbies, by the way.) When Sam, Kaila, and I were camping at Cypress Hills, I picked up a little book at the gift shop in Elkwater called National Audubon Society: Constellations (Pocket Guide) and have been hooked ever since.

I have grown quite fond of what is called the Summer Triangle...

The three stars that are circled make up what is called the Summer Triangle. They are the three brightest stars from three different constellations and, although their constellations are not incredibly easy to see with the naked eye from within the city, these three brightest stars and the acute triangle that they form is rather distinct.

Every time I look at it, I am blown away. Here's my favorite bit of information about the Summer Triangle:

Altair, in the constellation Aquila, is one of the brightest stars in the sky and is about 17 light-years away from earth. 1 light-year is the distance that light travels in a vacuum in one year. So, when we look at Altair, we are actually seeing what it looked like 17 years ago. Vega, in the constellation Lyra, is 26 light-years away from earth. Deneb, the brightest star in the Cygnus constellation, is 1500 light-years away from earth. FIFTEEN HUNDRED!

Think about that.

Mind blown yet again.

My Relationship With Coffee

As you may recall, I have given up coffee a couple of times. It's a bit odd. I really like coffee. I find, though, that I treat it like a drug. Something that I need to have every day in order to feel good. Something that makes me feel like a terrible mess when I don't have it.

So, last spring, I gave up coffee cold turkey. It was tough. I had some killer headaches that encouraged me to supplement my diet with black tea for awhile. Eventually, I was free.

The beauty of not being a coffee drinker is that, when I do drink coffee, it is rather effective as an energy booster. I went back to drinking lots of coffee the week that my summer coursework was due in August, and I like to think that the coffee helped me ace the class. I can have a cup of coffee before youth events for an extra burst of energy (I'm serving as a youth director now). Or, as is the case this week, I can juice up on coffee to do a freakish amount of studying for midterms.

Coffee is also a real treat for me. Because I do like it so much, I will still make an effort to taste new coffees and drink it as a special treat once in awhile.

Sam makes fun of me because I claim to have given up coffee, yet I can still be spotted drinking coffee on occasion. When I stopped eating meat this summer, Sam asked if this was going to be just like when I "stopped drinking coffee." I'll admit, my sporadic antics can be a little strange, but I like to experiment with my diet and figure out what is good for me.

In sum, I guess coffee is still like a drug for me, but now I think of myself as more of a recreational user than an addict. Progress? I think so.

A Gorgeous Chunk o' Lavender (and Erin)!

After a healthy dose of sleep on Saturday night, Gen, Bobby, and I woke up and got ready to go watch Erin and Will get hitched. The weather was looking a little gray, but a flash of blue showed up as we drove off of the ferry onto Vashon Island. By the time we got to the lavender farm, the weather was perfect.

At the farm, I meandered around for awhile and found some dear old friends to catch up with. What a gorgeous place to have a celebration with friends.

Strolling around the farm with Hilary. (I had to get nice shoes for the occasion.)

Posing with my old roomie Tammy, who got married the next day!

The wedding itself was just beautiful. Erin Lee and William got married in the orchard - everyone stood during the ceremony and it was really nice. Will got nice and choked up looking at beautiful Erin. After the ceremony there was some chill time involving delicious appetizers and more wandering around the farm. Then Erin and Will came out to the reception and it was great! I was very patient in waiting for my Erin hug. I know the day was supposed to be all about Erin and Will, but I needed an Erin Lee hug!

So much love!

I have to pause from the emphasis on happiness and friends for just a moment to say that the food was absolutely phenomenal. I have never in my life had such good food at a wedding. As I sit here typing, I am literally daydreaming about all of the food. Grilled veggies, roasted veggie ravioli, amazing salad, and so on. Topped off with a dreamy dessert that was so tasty I don't even know how to spell it.

OK, back to the wedding. Erin was beautiful, Will was handsome (and pulled off a fedora like nobody's business), everyone was spilling over with happiness, and it was all in all an awesome day. Plus it was at a lavender farm. How cool.

Workin' the new dress and sweater like it ain't no thang.